7 months of gluten free

Believe it or not, we have been doing the gluten free, dairy free diet for 7 months! Feels like our new normal now. Initially I updated you all on how the diet has helped Little Bean with some of his behaviors related to autism. I don't think I have done an update in a while, but wanted to do one, and let you know how wonderfully this diet has helped him.

In the beginning when we would see improvement in a particular area it was always such an amazing thing and we really took note of it. As he settled into the diet, and the concerning behaviors diminished, we became used to the "new" him. (I don't want anyone to be offended by that statement. We love our little man no matter how he behaves, but I will say the "new" him is much more happy and well-adjusted than the him we knew prior to our diet).

Around Thanksgiving we took a trip to CA to visit my parents and family. My dear mom took great pains to see to it that the kids stayed on their diet while we were staying at her house. I know how overwhelming the diet can be in the beginning, but she did a great job of helping us cook a gluten free, dairy free Thanksgiving meal for them and purchased special foods for them as well. All week, Little Bean did very, very well. We got several comments from family saying how they have noticed the changes in him. We started this diet after leaving CA, so to hear that felt good; knowing that we weren't just imagining the changes, but others could see them too. Both Little Bean's great grandmother and his aunt commented on how he would give hugs now, without holding back. If you have an autistic child who doesn't hug, to have him learn to open up and enjoy that simple sign of affection is a great feeling.

When we got home that week, Little Bean regressed. We saw more of the self-stimulating behaviors, more aggression and problems with impulse control. It really scared me. I thought, "Are we really back at square one?" I wondered if the diet only works for so long. The days after his diagnosis, when his behavior was so terrifying were some of the darkest days of my life. I really thought that. ya know, in a few years from now we would have this huge, uncontrollable child who needed to be medicated or institutionalized due to his aggressive behaviors. I never want to go back to that. It took about a week, but eventually the behaviors went back to normal, and I can only surmise it to be one of two things: 1) maybe he accidentally ate something while in CA that caused the reaction (the only thing I can think of is coconut milk, since he had not previously had that), or 2) it could be that he has a problem with apples too. When we got back, the only fruit we had were apples, lol, because they stay fresh for so long. We were super busy, so the kids ate alot of apples that week since we couldn't make it to the store. Apples contain something called a salicylate (and that's about all I know about them! I don't even know if I spelled that right!) which children with autism are sometimes sensitive to. Berries and almonds have it too, and we have found that he has problems with both of those--he has not been eating those for a long time either. In any case, we stopped giving him apples and he has gotten back to his normal brands of gluten free foods, and we have since seen the behavior problems go away.

One thing that incident taught me was how the diet isn't therapy. Therapy theoretically will teach the child ways to cope that are more appropriate and pleasant. The diet is different. It diminishes his behavior problems, and enhances his ability to cope by making him feel better physically. But should the diet be interrupted, we realized he had not really learned how to deal with life in better ways, he had not learned coping strategies, he had only masked the problems with diet. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. If diet works (or when therapy doesn't, as in our case), then I think it's a valid option. Is it feasible to do it forever? I don't know. This is all food for thought, I suppose.

Fast forward to Christmas, and of course things got a little hectic again. It was our first Christmas in this part of the country and Raymond's parents and his sister's family came down. They have three boys, all 6 and under, and things were a little crazy (that's putting it mildly). Finally Little Bean freaked out started crying because they were all getting into his toys and wouldn't put them back in the right places. I think my sister in law and brother in law were shocked. They haven't been around him since he was small, and haven't really seen a lot of his autistic behavior. They watched as he slowly relaxed as his toys were put back in place and his room closed off for the night. Another reminder that the diet (at least for Little Bean) isn't a cure. He has autism and always will. But the diet helps.

Just before Christmas, Little Bean lost his first tooth. It had been loose for months, and the adult tooth had already grown behind. We were sitting at the table doing spelling when all of the sudden I noticed that his tooth was gone. How I noticed the moment it happened, I don't know. But I said, "Hey, where's your tooth!? Did it fall out?" And in that moment, Little Bean realized that he must have swallowed it. We were all cheering and trying to show him in the mirror the much anticipated missing tooth, but he flipped out. He started crying and hopped up from his chair and started gagging like he was going to throw up. I ran to get him a bucket because he really seemed like he would throw up any moment. Blood was dripping from his mouth because he was not swallowing and was all drooly. Nothing would calm him down. :( All I can think was the sensation of the blood and the missing tooth and the knowledge that he had swallowed an inedible object was too much for him. Eventually, he calmed down and wrote a letter to the tooth fairly explaining what had happened. She pays extra for swallowed teeth of course! ;)

I'd like to spend some time doing a post on what brands we have found tasty that are gluten/dairy free. I know it'll take a while to write up, which is why it hasn't happened yet, but hopefully will in the future. Anyway, that's where we are at right now with the diet, and no plans to change any time soon.

The Challenges of Homeschooling a Child with Autism, Part 2

Check out the calm in his face here after organizing his (pre gfcf diet) snack basket for the week.

Perhaps the most difficult part of homeschooling Little Bean is the meltdowns. It's definitely the most difficult part of parenting him. Last time we talked about sensory issues. Sensory issues only compound and contribute to the meltdown problems. Maybe I should save the worst for last, I don't know, but the truth is, I don't know how many parts will be in this series, since I tend to write as I feel inspired and not to a schedule or plan. So, we'll just address the meltdowns now.

I'll just be honest, Little Bean was a perfect baby, toddler and preschooler. Then, when he turned 4, it was like something inside him just snapped, and the meltdowns began. I can remember being the object of jealousy by all my friends. Not only was Little Bean like the smartest baby ever, he slept through the night, he did not cry when he cut a tooth, his attention span was through the roof, he was "polite" and never hit other babies or toddlers, etc, etc. I used to joke that I could take him to work with me and no one would even know he was there.

The "terrible" twos flew by with nary a meltdown. The threes were more of the same. Sure, there was rising concern that socially he was behind, and perhaps needed more time with other children, but at that point it was only that he seemed extremely shy around others.

Looking back I can see how his "missing" the tantrum milestones should have raised more concern in me. Why didn't he say or do something when other children bullied him? Why did he prefer books over human contact? Why didn't he ask for attention from his parents? Why didn't he assert his will like other children? Why did he run away when other children entered the play area at the park? Why did he cling to my legs when family or friends came to visit? Maybe one of these things would not be a cause for concern, but put them all together and I sometimes feel like I really missed the boat with this one. But, I digress. We'll have to explore that deeper if I end up talking about his social difficulties.

My point is, he was the "perfect" toddler who one day turned into the boy who melts down at the drop of a hat. Part of it is anxiety driven. He has always been an edgy child, kind of wary of new things, and that anxiety seems to have built up in him to where now it's spilling out in the form of meltdowns.

Anxiety and meltdowns together make for a very hard school day. School work is challenging, and there is really nothing that can prevent that. It can be made fun, but for a child who develops anxious feelings when they are in new scenarios, fun isn't so fun, and often, fun leads to meltdowns. I want to talk about two things: first what a meltdown can look like, and second, why a meltdown would occur during school time. Then I want to talk about the ways we are coping with meltdowns at this point in our journey.

1. What a meltdown looks like:

A meltdown is like a tantrum with one big difference; a tantrum is a tool to get what one wants. Once that thing is procured, the tantrum ceases. A meltdown is a reaction to a stressor, and ensues because the person has no other way of expressing their feelings. Long after you have given the child what they want, a meltdown will continue. Because the goal isn't to get what they want. There isn't a goal, a meldown is like heartburn. It's a reaction and it stays with you for a while even after you've taken a few antacids. A meltdown needs plenty of time to wither away, even after the problem has been solved. And a meltdown is more intense than any tantrum you will ever see or hear.

For Little Bean, a meltdown always, always includes crying, usually shouting, and usually some type of sensory-coping behavior (for instance right now he seems fond of quickly opening and closing a door and feeling the rush of wind as he does so repeatedly). Sometimes a meltdown will bring forth aggressive behaviors. Little Bean has thrown pencils, hit, kicked, pushed, scratched, broken things (like crayons for instance) or slammed doors.

2. What causes a meltdown.

For Little Bean meltdowns occur for many, many specific reasons, but I think I can narrow them down into two categories:
--fear of failure (this is the most common school related issue) and

--interruption of perceived plans (this is common in school as well, but not limited to school time)

Here are some for instances for fear of failure or actual failure that can lead to meltdown mode:

--In handwriting, making a letter reversal or other mistake

--In a writing assignment, not knowing what to write about or how to spell what he wants to write

--In math, perceiving that he has too many problems to do, or not being able to instantly understand a problem or concept

--In art, inability to recreate exactly what was shown in the book, or if I insist he try to come up with his own ideas rather than copy, fear of not coming up with an idea or not coming up with one before Miss O

The list goes on, and is only exacerbated by his anxiety. If you have ever had anxiety, you know it's hard to act rational and make good decisions, imagine how difficult it is for a 6 year old with autism to do so without a meltdown.

Here are some for instances for my second category, perceived interruption or change in plans:
The fact is, plans do change. Perhaps we have an appointment or something unexpectedly comes up. Maybe Miss O gave me big problems and her stuff took longer, now Little Bean may not have his school work done when he thought he would. Maybe I didn't have a chance to plan ahead and we are winging our school day. Maybe I call him for school when he'd rather be playing. Maybe he is really into an assignment and we have to stop for one reason or another.

He might start out thinking he likes an assignment only to discover that he doesn't like it and wants to quit. When that's not permitted, we have a meltdown. That's kind of a mix of both categories because he is afraid to fail so he wants to quit, when he isn't allowed to quit (change of plans) he meltdown.

The other category that often causes mini-meltdowns is sensory problems. Sensory problems are like the trigger to having a meltdown in another category. He's working hard to complete a worksheet and is continually distracted by something. Eventually he is going to snap if that noise or movement doesn't stop bothering him. It affects his ability to concentrate and thus he may be afraid to fail, or may want to stop his work because he can't complete it as easily with the distractions. When he isn't allowed to stop, he'll meltdown.

Here's what we're doing to cope:

Give a round of applause because the gluten free, casein free diet gets the award for helping the most with his meltdowns. The longer he is on the diet, the more improvement I see in every affected area. I don't want to sound like it was a cure--it wasn't--but almost 3 months later I am still seeing improvements in his behaviors, including meltdown behaviors and anxiety.

Another approach we have just recently started up again is the Workbox System. A few years ago this system was all the rage, and everyone was doing. Course, I was too. That was when Little Bean was in K. Recently I re-read Sue Patrick's book and decided to try it again. It is a lot of work, but it does eliminate some of the anxiety during school time by giving him really a concrete view of his schoolwork for the day, a definite start and end time, and also frequent breaks from the regular curriculum with the use of centers and technology.

We do use behavioral approaches as well, but I'll be honest and say that I have not seen a ton of improvement from the use of these approaches. When I say behavioral approaches, I mean approaches that seek to modify undesirable behaviors. Although being on the diet has seemed to clear his head enough that he is using his anger cards more or thinking through things before flipping out, I would say this is our least effective approach.

I'll be forthright and just say that prior to the diet, I was really at a loss as a parent and as a homeschooling mom. I wasn't really even sure if I could handle him, and I was terrified that he would be the same way a few years from now and require meds. I am not against meds, but the fact that many of the common ones for behavior modification have not be thoroughly tested on children freaks me out, I'll be honest. The diet has been an answer to prayer really all around, but especially when it comes to the meltdowns and aggressive behavior.

How about you? How do you deal with meltdowns (whether or not your child is autistic)?

The challenges of homeschooling a child with autism, part 1

Little Bean's Challenge #1: My senses are on crack.

Ha ha. Not really. But sometimes it does seem that way. Little Bean does not have a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder or Sensory Integration Disorder, or any other disorder other than Autism for that matter. But he does present sensory issues. Some of his senses work too well, and others don't seem to work at all.

We have five basic senses that everyone knows about--sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. In occupational therapy, you get to learn about another sense that everyone has, and it's called our vestibular sense. Your vestibular sense is a hard one to figure out, but suffice it to say that it has a lot to do with balance and feeling balanced.

Little Bean's vestibular sense doesn't work all that great; it's under-responsive. So many times when he is sitting down doing seat work, all of the sudden, he'll just fall out of the chair. Literally fall out and hit the ground hard. I never understood this pre-diagnosis. I learned that if I try to make him sit, he'll eventually take a dive. He does seem to understand that something isn't right with this sense, because I often catch him trying to correct it. At the table he will almost always stand, rather than sit while he works. Or, he'll "perch" on the edge of the chair, one foot planted on the ground, one little bun on the chair, and one off (this almost always leads to falls too). If we are on the floor, he'll lean all the way forward and listen with his head touching the ground. Or he'll rock forward and back while he listens, maybe trying to orient himself. Sometimes he'll lay with his head upside down on the couch and his feet in the air. Or he'll listen as he spins in circles. At the dinner table, I insist that he sit....so the crumbs fall on the plate and not the floor. Now that I write that, standing would work just as well there...hmmm, something to think about. But he can't bear to sit with his feet dangling. So he has a bathroom stool under the table to prop his feet up.

Hearing is another sense that seems to be out of whack for my son. I don't quite understand whether he is under-responsive or over-responsive or both. I'm inclined to say both. First, he hears everything. Buzzing lights, trains that are 10 miles away, the neighbor parking their car in the drive, a pen clicking to open, paper rustling, a page turning, a whisper, a door squeaking, even Miss O breathing. He hears it all, and he has no apparent ability to block it out or separate the important sounds from the unimportant ones. He cannot concentrate very well if he hears any noise that irritates him, though he tries hard.

On the other hand, Little Bean has a nickname in our house--he's our human music box. It's true. He is never quiet. Never. And it's hardly ever words that he is speaking; it's noises. He learned to whistle sort of a quasi-whistle-bird-call one day a few months ago. He never stopped. Literally sun up to sun down he whistled. Before that is was gulping. He would gulp all day long. When he was a toddler, it was humming. Constant humming. Now we have moved on to sort of a glottal-stop-back-of-the-throat sniffing sound. His noises do not bother him, though they do drive the rest of us batty from time to time. In fact, his noises comfort him greatly. We try our very best to ignore them as much as possible because we know how much input he gets from them.

Smelling and tasting are the least affected of his senses (Miss O on the other hand, lol, she has a super sniffer for sure!). I want to touch on his challenges with touch (no pun intended) and sight before I end. First I want to say, our issues with touch have improved greatly, so much, since starting the gluten free, casein free diet. I am so pleased each new day when he not only willingly accepts a hug now, but seeks hugs and asks for foot rubs. Such a huge difference. Really, like night and day.

We do still have a no-touch rule when he is upset. When he is agitated, which happens often during school time, he can't stand, I mean physically can't stand to be touched. He just flips out if you do. If he is hurt and crying, the last thing he wants is a comforting hug. I remember asking him once when he was in tears from hurting himself if he wanted a hug. He gave an emphatic, "No! Of course not! Why would I want a hug!!?" I remember pre-diagnosis we noticed that when we tucked him in at night, he'd pull back from our hugs and give sort of an air hug instead. If we touched his shoulder or back, he'd arch away as if in pain. I don't know what touch feels like to him, but I do know that before our diet, it definitely wasn't a pleasant experience.

And sight. Sight is a big one. Little Bean is a detail boy. He sees everything. I remember when he was in K and I pulled out our All About Spelling tiles. An "s" is one of those letters that is the same whether it's right side up or upside down. Not to Little Bean. The All About Spelling font is apparently a little bit different on the top side than on the bottom. I remember him pausing between his spelling words to turn that upside down tile. As much as he notices that kind of detail, he also notices all the other little details in the room. The stray toy on the carpet, the out of place hair hanging down from my pony tail, the cushion that was put on upside down on the couch. The shadow of the mail man outside. A mosquito flying by the window. The movement of the sun behind a cloud, and the shadow that casts in the room. The movement if Miss O as she puts a bead on a string. It's hard for him. Everything stops when something outside of himself moves or is out of place.

So what? What do these things have to do with making homeschooling him challenging? Well, sensory problems are only a small fraction of what makes things difficult, it's the compilation of all the different things that brings forth daily challenges.

But imagine this: You are teaching a spelling lesson at the dining room table. The student cannot sit still. He is standing, then he's spinning, then he's sitting (because you told him to), then he's laying, then he's rocking, then he's perching, and once again you've told him to sit and pay attention. He is doing his best to pay attention by stimulating his vestibular sense which then comforts him, making him more able to pay attention. But you don't see that. You just see this hyperactive kid who can't possibly be listening through so much movement and you get frustrated. Add to this scenario a constant whistle. You must talk over the whistle. If you ask the whistle to stop, it will, but only until he stops consciously thinking about not whistling (during which time he cannot think about what you are trying to teach him because he is thinking about not whistling). Now add in a little sister. And a dishwasher whirring, and the jeans clanking in the dryer. And the neighbor pulling his trash cans in. And the sound of rain on the carport. He can't hear you over all the noise. But a home must be run, and you can't magically stop the noise. He doesn't seem to be paying attention, so you tap him on the knee or shoulder to get his attention. Bad idea. He can't stand to be touched, especially an unanticipated touch. He flips out.

So it is challenging. Add in the other issues I'm going to share later this month, and you'll see that this is only the tip of the iceberg, for him and for me. It only gets harder from here.

We learned about some neat tools in occupational therapy. We have fidgets, which are little toys that the child can handle and hopefully fulfill a bit of a sensory need while doing so and be able to sit longer. We have a weighted vest too. It's a weighted, compression vest, so it gives both a sense of grounding and a deep pressure. It's supposed to calm the child. We let him sit on an balancing cushion when he must do seat work. We use instrumental music to block out the distracting sounds (he loves this!). But the biggest thing is learning to recognize that his behaviors sometimes are happening because he IS trying to pay attention and must do these things in order to do so. So I have to learn to ignore the behavior, as challenging as that is. I'm still learning. I was never a hyper kid. I could sit still and listen in class. So it's hard for me to expect something different from Little Bean. But I have to. I have to learn to, otherwise, I just end up frustrated, and so does he.

More to come in Part 2 of this series....

The challenges of homeschooling a child with Autism

I really enjoyed writing my series on homeschooling a child with autism. It was great therapy for me. Sometimes it's good to be reminded of all the reasons that I do choose to keep Little Bean at home. Not just my general reasons for choosing homeschooling for all our kids, but my nitty-gritty reasons for choosing homeschooling for Little Bean specifically. I need to be reminded. Because I'll be perfectly honest with you; homeschooling Little Bean, largely due to his special needs, is really, really, really hard.

For the longest time, in our pre-diagnosis days, I would read about these perfect little homeschooling families, and I'd sit back and wonder, how come my homeschool days didn't look like theirs?? How come every time I was fun and creative my son would end up in tears? How come every time I followed his lead, he'd end up melting down? How come he couldn't sit still or be quiet? Or look at me when I was teaching him? How come he would become distracted by the smallest thing and couldn't get back on track? How come homeschooling him wasn't as fun as I thought it would be?

Well, post-diagnosis, I know better. I don't have to wonder as much any more where some of his behaviors are coming from. Course, every child is unique and presents his or her own challenges. I'm not "blaming" anything on autism; I'm just saying that the more I learn about autism, the more I seem to know how to better teach my son.

I remember opening up Tony Attwood's book, The Complete Guide to Asperger Syndrome a few weeks before we got Little Bean's diagnosis. I devoured that book. It spoke to me because it was like reading a book about my son, word for word, letter by letter. I've devoured plenty of other books since then, and I love learning all I can about autism, because every new piece of information I take in helps me. It helps me parent him, and that in turn helps me homeschool him.

I want to talk about some of the challenges we face in our homeschool due to behaviors Little Bean presents each time we sit down to work. I want to talk about this because I feel like, and maybe it's just me, but there seems to be this hesitancy in the homeschooling community about opening up about our struggles. We like to show off our curriculum and our school rooms and our projects. But we don't often like to talk about the hard parts about homeschooling. I think we should. I hope someone reads my blog and they can see their own homeschooling situation in it, and they can say, "Hey, maybe I'm not alone. Maybe this is doable." That's what I want.

So over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be writing some posts about the challenges I face in teaching Little Bean in our home. The things I've discovered that have worked for us, the things I've had to question and let go of, and most especially the things I haven't figured out yet, because there are surely a lot of those too.

I look forward to sharing my heart with you in this series, and I hope you all enjoy reading it too!

GFCF update

We are now at 2 months of gluten-free, casein-free eating for Little Bean, so I wanted to give a bit of an update.

Just after I wrote my last post about our diet, Little Bean took a turn for the worse. Many of the new skills he had gained regressed, and his aggression increased. It got to the point where we were basically worse off than before we started. I was so crushed and disappointed that week. But it was only a week.

We discovered that he may have some sensitivity to berries, almonds and apples as well. So we them out for a bit, and that did seem to help. Also, through my research I found that some children will go through "withdrawals" as the left over gluten leaves the system. It can make behavior worse for a while, so that may have been where that was coming from as well. We were also concerned it may have been a cross-contamination issue with Miss O, since she was not following the diet. We decided to put her on it as well, and that has made things much more simple when it comes to food preparation (btw, we also saw the withdrawal symptoms in her around the same time frame as we saw them with Little Bean, however we have not seen extreme positive changes in her so far). We really still don't know what of these things was the contributing factor, or if all of them are, but I am grateful it was only a week and now we seem to be making progress.

Each day we are seeing new skills emerge, it's really quite mind-boggling to me. Besides those I talked about in my last post, the most recent one is a bit of imaginative play.

When Little Bean plays with toy figures, he dictates the story. He'll say, "And then, Buzz climbed up the tree and said, 'Get over here!' Woody replied, 'No!', so Buzz stated, 'Alright, I'm coming to get you'. It literally sounds like he is reading off a page, including descriptive words and saying, 'replied' and 'said'. For all I know, he may be reading off a page that he has memorized from his books. He never becomes a character. Usually when you hear a kid play, you hear, "I'm going to get you!" as they move a character across the floor. Etc, etc. Not so with Little Bean...

until this week that it is! This week I have seen little snippets of him pretending (in the first person!), a skill that usually emerges closer to age 3. It's kind of exciting!

We are also noticing more empathy and ability to understand cause and effect. Example: if I don't clean up my room when mom asks, it's possible she may not see a toy and it will get sucked up by the vacuum, AND that is not anyone's fault but my own (real story here!).

We are still dealing with some anxiety and anger, but it's toned down significantly since we started this diet. My husband asked me the other day, "Do you think he is just growing up and getting more mature and that's why the changes?" No way, do I think that. Why would it coincide so well with the dietary changes, and why would it happen so quickly in so many areas? I really believe the dietary changes are the reason why we are seeing progress like this. I guess the only way to truly test that would be to let him cheat on his diet and see what happens. At this point, I'm nowhere near allowing that to happen though!

Why Homeschool a Child on the Spectrum...Part 3

So we've talked about how homeschooling allows autistic children to learn to socialize in a 1:1 setting, and we've talked about how it may be easier to meet the individualized educational needs of autistic children at home. Now I want to discuss a third reason why homeschooling is a great option for children with autism.

3. Children with autism very often deal with sensory issues which can impair their ability to function in every day situations. That is to say, many times these kids can't function normally at school or in public because a of a sensory problem--something related to touching, tasting, hearing, seeing or smelling is bothering them in such a way that they cannot relax and be "normal". When we talk about sensory issues, we are not talking about preferences, such as "I prefer not to sit by the trash can at lunch because it smells." We are talking about real problems in which their senses are working either in overdrive or not at all (under reactivity).

A for instance would be like with my son. He has vestibular issues (issues with feeling off balance), and he can't bear to sit at a table where his feet are dangling. If he does, he tends to fall out of the chair or feel off balance. For the longest time he chose to stand (and sometimes still does) for his seat work because of this issue. And all that time I had no clue he was getting something from standing during school time.

There is a fairly simple resolution to sensory issues. It goes something like this: A: find out what is bothering them, which admittedly is not an easy task many times and B: change the situation so that this is no longer an issue. This process cannot be done everywhere. But at home, in many cases, sensory problems can be overcome with accomodations.

Little Bean has lots of sensory issues, one of the biggest that would be difficult for him in school is noise. He really can't tolerate lots of background noise. To him, I think it must sound like the teachers in Charlie Brown: muah, muah, muah, muah....when we take him to church, they'll have music playing in his classroom, the kids'll sing along, some of them will laugh or chat with each other, teachers will welcome new kids, the air conditioning will click on and off, shoes will clack on the floor, people will cough, sneeze or clear their throat, and all the while he's supposed to be understanding what the teacher is saying about the day's lesson. He never does. When we check on him during service, he looks like a little zombie sitting there all alone while people rush by him. And we ask him, "what did you learn?" to which he responds, "I don't know, it was too noisy." Now, at our old church, there were just a few kids, and the classes were much more low key, he did better there, not perfect, but better. The more noise, the more unbearable it is for some of these kids.

So at home, you can accommodate. For one thing, it's just naturally quieter at home because there are less people. And what noise you hear is pretty predictable. But you can do more. You can use noise-cancelling headphones, or an ipod and ear buds. You can work while the other kids are out or napping. You can have him work in different parts of the house. There are tons of options that could help that really can only be done in an in-home educational setting.

What about visual problems? Little Bean is much the same way with visual problems. We used to take him to Awanas, and they had a game time in the gym. Imagine the sound of a gym. So the sound issues are already present. Now add in 30 plus kids running around like crazy people in a game of dodgeball. For Bean, it is too much to keep up with. The bright florescent lights, the whistles blowing, kids cheering, squeaky feet, people running this way and that and balls flying everywhere. He ends up standing on the fringe looking into space. We finally ended up asking the leaders there if they had someone to come alongside him in a 1:1 fashion and basically coach him on what exactly he should do and when. That helped a lot! But it can't fully eliminate what he is going through. Why put him in that scenario 6 hours a day, 180 days a year? At home he can enjoy a clutter free (most of the time, haha!) environment and as little or as much visual stimulation as he needs.

Last one I want to talk about is issues of touch. Smell and taste can certainly be issues at school, but touch is a huge one. Little Bean doesn't care for being touched. No, that's not a strong enough word. Let me put it this way, sometimes, when I touch him, by his reaction you would think I had a tazer gun in my hand. He can really flip out over certain touches. Think about your time in elementary school. Think about the circle time rug. Lots of poking, unintentional knee brushing, duck, duck, goose style head tapping, and back pushing you're-in-my-spot touching. Ugh...recipe for disaster for some of these kids. Most likely the autistic child will be the one getting in trouble for their "over the top" response to what seems like normal touching to most. At home, we can avoid this issue because there aren't as many people around, and those who are around know how to politely ask if they can touch him.

Life isn't about avoidance. Maybe people will say it's better for these kids to just suck it up and go to school and get over it. To that I say, think about your most irrational fear or greatest dislike, whether it's elevators or tornadoes or cockroaches that you fear or eating spinach or going to the dentist that you hate. Suck it up! How 'bout I stick you in a room full of cockroaches and say, "learn!" go ahead, "learn!". Will you? How about I sit you at the table every day for 6 hours and say eat this spinach, and by golly, learn while you do it! Not just today, but 180 days out of the year. Could you do it? Somehow I don't think so.

Sensory issues are like that for some of these kids. Home is where you can accommodate. Home is the ideal place for these littles. It really is.

You might think from reading this series that I am against regular school for kids with special needs. That's not the case at all. The fact is, homeschooling a child on the spectrum is hard. So hard. There are very few days that go by that I don't think to myself, "Maybe he'd be better off in school", just because he is so challenging. But every time I think those thoughts, I go back to all the reasons why I feel home is better for him, and I convince myself again. In fact, my next series is going to be on the challenges I face homeschooling Little Bean and how that affects the dynamics of our family.

You might also think from reading this series that I think home is the only place for these special kids. That's not true either. Not every parent or household is able to homeschool their children for a variety of reasons. Not every parent is a good candidate for homeschooling even if they are able to do so. Not every family wants to. We all have different priorities and ways of viewing things, especially when it comes to educating our kids. I can respect that, and I don't think home is the only place for these kids. At this point, I do think it's the best place for my kids though, and I think it's a great place for a whole lot of other kids on the autism spectrum.

Why Homeschool a Child on the Spectrum...Part 2

Last time we talked about how homeschooling lends itself to teaching your child with Autism how to interact with others and learn to be social.

Here's another reason why homeschooling can be a great fit for autistic children:

2. Many times, children with autism have a complex range of abilities, being extremely gifted in some areas and significantly delayed in other areas. Generally speaking, typically developing children are vary fairly minimally in their abilities. They may be really gifted in math, and just "normal" or a little behind in all the other subjects, but your not likely to find a typically developing child who is very gifted in math, but extremely delayed in another area, say in expressive language. Schools are really not designed to handle the unique skill sets that many autistic children display. There are the gifted programs, and there are the remedial programs; what does one do with a child who is both gifted and in need of remediation, and who, on top of that presents sensory, fine and gross motor challenges, and who has problems connecting with people in the social realm?

Homeschool is individualized education at it's best, and that is one of the oft quoted reasons people say they chose homeschooling for their kids. An individualized education is critical to a child on the spectrum. Guess what they call it in public schools? And IEP--aka an Individualized Education Plan. But can a school really individualize your child's education when they most likely have other children in the class with IEPs, plus typically developing children? Hmmm....

My background is in teaching, and I will tell you I learned next to nothing in my college classes on special education and NOTHING at all on autism specifically. When I student taught, I had over 90 children come into my class throughout the day due to block scheduling (4th grade). Over half of them had IEPs, for all kinds of reasons from behavioral issues, to developmental issues, to emotional issues, to cognitive issues. I could not give individualized attention to 50 plus special needs students a day, all with different needs, plus keep my regular students on the ball. I could not.

Now as a mom, I have a vested interest in my kid's well being and education. I know a lot about autism, and I learn more every day because I need to know. It's my kid we're talking about. So I have become the self-educated expert in my kid and his particular issues related to autism. I am the best person to teach him because I know his issues best and I am fully capable of accommodating for him because frankly, I am not overloaded with 30 other kids to take care of each day.

Little Bean is extremely intelligent. When we did IQ testing at age 5, he outscored the test in both verbal and non-verbal. The test only gives questions up to what a typical IQ would be for a 7.5 year old and he got them all right until they ran out of material. So he's gifted. But he's also delayed. Emotionally, he is on par with a three year old (he is 6 and a half-ish). He throws tantrums, he cries easily, he gets frustrated and can't tell me what's wrong. His fine motor skills are delayed too, which means he can't write very well or for very long. He is delayed in imaginative thought so he can't write a story that is made up. He has sensory issues that cause him to lose focus easily, which means that he can't do timed testing or be expected to complete things in a reasonable amount of time for his age and cognitive ability level. I could go on, but I digress.

Children on the autism spectrum are often very tactile or visual learners as well. At home, we have plenty of time to do fun hands-on projects that fit his learning style. I can choose to purchase curriculum that works for him and I can choose to abandon curriculum that brings tears to both of our eyes. ;) In short, I tailor the education to him. Not something that can be done in school when the state is mandating certain things be taught in a certain time frame and in a certain way.

The point is, children with autism need an individualized education. Everyone agrees on that point. But the question is this--where can a child with autism best get an individualized education--at home or at school? I vote at home, just because when it's all laid out, that makes the most sense to me.

What do you think?

More to come in Part 3...

Why Homeschool A Child on the Spectrum?... Part 1

You may have already read my 'why homeschool' post. So you know why, as a family, we have chosen homeschooling for our kids. And I'm sure most of my readers have read our autism story here. But now here's a question for you: why homeschool a child with Autism? What are the benefits? What are some of the drawbacks? Are there any drawbacks? These are the questions I want to look at in my next few posts.

I'll start by saying that choosing to homeschool is a deeply personal choice (and btw, I do agree that sending a child with autism to school can absolutely be the right choice as well), but I think when you choose to homeschool a child with any kind of special need, you choose to take on something much bigger, and much more challenging than when you choose to homeschool a typically developing child. But it's worth it, and here's why:

1. Generally speaking, children with Autism don't do well in social situations. Some children have impulse control problems which make interacting with peers difficult because they touch too much or stand too close. Some children on the spectrum have anxiety that goes along with social situations. Some children on the spectrum just don't know how to make friends; either they are too trusting and fall into the wrong crowd, or they are socially awkward and have nothing in common with same age peers.

Therapists will tell you that children with Autism need to be in school because they need to learn to interact with others, and spending 6 to 8 hours with their same-age peers 5 days a week is the best way to do that. Your well-meaning friends may tell you that too. The same therapists who tell you that your child needs to be in school so he can watch and learn how to be social are also the same ones who will tell you that children with Autism don't learn social skills the way typically developing children do--through imitation; they must learn social rules by being explicitly taught.

Even if the school was extraordinary and had a social skills therapy program that explicitly taught social skills to children on the spectrum during school hours, imagine what the child is going through and needing to process during their school day: anxiety over social interactions or sensory overload, confusion over classroom material or an interaction with a peer, multiple unpredictable events occurring throughout the day, interruptions to daily routines, etc. A child with Autism may feel a considerable amount of stress in school, making it hard to function "normally" in that setting and is probably in no frame of mind to be either taught social skills explicitly, or to learn them by imitation while at school.

I guess all that is to say why school isn't the best place for a child on the spectrum, but it doesn't really address why home is a great place for these kids. So here's why: As a homeschooler, your child has chances to interact with others in social settings all the time, with the benefit of having you as a 1:1 social skills therapist. No you're not trained in ABA most likely, but you are a normal person who is basically an expert at socializing. You can train your child on what to say and how to act in a variety of social settings while your at home. Then you can take your child to these places and be a source of support for them as they try out their skills. Not many schools can boast a program in which the child receives both in home, in school, and in the community support all from the same professional. But as a homeschooler, you can boast in just that.

It's up to you to provide your child with rich and frequent opportunities to socialize with people of all ages and backgrounds. It's up to you to teach them appropriate behavior. And that is what makes homeschooling a child on the spectrum a challenge. At least partly. It isn't impossible. But it takes commitment, and it really does take confidence in your own ability to parent your child as you feel is best.

So that's one reason. More to come in Part 2...

How it's going with gluten free, casein free

Please excuse any typos this post may contain...I am using my husband's iPad to write this post up because I'm too lazy to turn my computer on. It's been crazy busy here the last two weeks especially. Raymond and I are attending classes on Mondays and Thursdays and have to drive all across town for that. In addition, my parents came out from Ca to visit! My mom is still here, and so we have kept busy going to different places together.

But I did want to update everyone on how it's going with Litttle Bean's new diet. We went cold turkey,removing gluten, casein, and artificial colors, and decreasing soy products. We added a daily multivitamin, as well as a daily calcium and vitamin D supplement. The results have been really, truly astonishing!

We went from a kid who was quiet most of the time....to one who starts up conversations with you and engages you by asking questions and making comments!

We went from a kid who could not finish a school assignment that involved writing without crying and becoming overly distressed to....a kid who voluntarily spent two hours on a writing assignment so that he could 'show it off to his dad after work'!

We went from a kid who could not control a single impulse, no matter how small,...to a kid who is now controlling them at least half of the time.

We went from a kid who could not stand to be touched to...a kid who lets me rub his back for a short period of time sometimes and who comes up for hugs now.

But the most significant change, and the one where we've seen the most improvement is in the area of aggression. Almost within the first days of starting his diet, Little Bean drastically reduced his temper tantrums and aggressive behavior. We were actually used to having multiple violent fits a day in which Little Bean would slam doors, kick, bite, head-butt, pinch or otherwise try to injure us. I began this diet as a desperate attempt to help him with this behavior since nothing else was helping, and I had heard that for some children with Autism, this diet helps a lot for whatever reason. I don't think I really understood how much we were all, Asa family, living in pure survival mode until we saw such drastic improvement in Little Bean. Since we started the diet at the end of May, we haven't had a single large tantrum, and only a few mini tantrums which Bean was able to recover from almost instantly, where previously it had taken it's toll on the rest of the day.

Since this diet has been so successful so far, I'm feeling two things:

Incredibly grateful that we have stumbled upon something that is helping him, and allowing us to avoid medicating him, and

A bit terrified that one day I'll wake up and he will have regressed to where he was two weeks ago.

I do want to share more about the resources we are using and the books which have been particularly helpful when I have more time. I also want to make it very clear that this post is focusing on the positive changes we have seen, and Little Bean is in no way recovered or cured of Autism. None of the changes we have seen are totally complete across the board, but they are way, way improved from what we were seeing even two weeks ago. And they are convincing enough that we want to continue what we are doing, and learn about more nutritional interventions that may help him.

Gluten-Free, Casein-Free for Autism

Guess what we are trying at our house? Yup, gluten-free, casein-free. Gluten is a protein found in many grain products--barley, wheat, oats, etc. Casein is a milk protein. We have long known that Little Bean can't handle milk products, so the casein part is already partly taken care of. He hasn't had cheese, milk, yogurt, or ice cream in ages. Now we are going a step further to remove casein from all products that he eats, including cooked dairy in things like cheese crackers, and also butter, which we had never removed. And then we will tackle gluten. It's in a lot of the food and sauces he eats now, so that will be harder.

Why? Well, some people have found that a gluten-free, casein-free diet helps individuals with Autism. I know removing milk (quite out of necessity) helped Little Bean's behavior a lot too. So I'm hoping going even further with removing both milk products and gluten will help even more.

I am a total newbie when it comes to this, so I will let you know what I'm learning as I go. Hopefully what I'm learning will help others too. And if you know a lot about gluten-free, casein-free eating, please pipe up and share with me. I'm all ears!

Theraputic Riding

Since moving to Oklahoma and researching the different therapies available for Little Bean (diagnosed with Autism), we have had to get a little creative. There are a ton of really nice therapy places that offer social skills therapy, ABA, occupational therapy, but unfortunately, they are all WAY on the other side of town. Well, technically, the town over from the other side of town. ;) We kind of live on the older side of town, so I'm guessing it's just not the place for young families to be, which is where the therapy would be too. :(

While therapy is important to Little Bean's progress, I have to also be realistic about our lifestyle and how far I am willing to travel for therapy. Of course cost is a factor as well, and so we really can't make too many decisions until our permanent insurance kicks in this summer. This move has been good in that it has forced me to research ALL the different therapies available because there was no one like a therapist or social worker to give me recommendations. We are putting together a plan that I think will be great for all involved. So we are just starting out in our path to find the right therapy for him, that both is beneficial and allows us to maintain our peaceful (aka not hectic) lifestyle.

To start, Little Bean will be going to a therapeutic riding class--yes, horseback riding! Therapeutic horseback riding is great for children, teens and adults with all different kinds of problems, from Down Syndrome and Autism to Cerebral Palsy. The center we are going to serves over 180 children in the OKC area a semester! The only sad part is that because Little Bean is "so high-functioning" he is not able to have a regular slot in the class--he is an alternate that only gets to go when the regular kids are absent. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he is "high-functioning"and am thankful for him being at least an alternate, but I think there is the mistaken notion that just because a child is mobile and verbal that they don't have as many "problems" or struggles as other children who are non-verbal. Being able to get along socially, control your emotions, control your impulses and make friends is just as important in my mind as learning to talk. I mean no disrespect to families who have a child who is non-verbal or has a physical disability, but I do feel sad that it seems to be the case that because Little Bean is so intelligent that his problems get underplayed and he then becomes less able to receive therapy that he NEEDS. We ran into the same thing with our last insurance company when it came to occupational therapy. Because sensory issues aren't "medical", he doesn't qualify for occupational therapy because only "medically necessary" OT is allowable. So he was only allowed 5 sessions of OT. Not much, and certainly not enough to help him overcome his sensory issues. I feel the same way about that; sensory issues are just as big a deal as being able to write legibly or throw a ball. At least with the therapeutic riding, he is getting some practice with occupational skills and with social skills, even if it isn't regular at this point.

We can hope and pray that this center will have a regular opening for him in the summer, or that another center that offers the same service will pull his name off the wait list. Until then, we can only be thankful for what is offered to him.

Power Cards

Update: I have had literally hundreds of requests for these cards!! When I made these, I made them for my son and shared the idea on my blog. Since the dawn of pinterest, these cards have gotten alot more attention than I had anticipated! And to tell the truth, I dont know whether these graphics are allowed to be shared. So, I have made a similar, better, version of these, and other related autism printables and am selling them in my etsy shop now. You can purchase them there, and you are free to use them with your children, or in your classrooms (though you may not resell them or share files with others). The best part is, I have permission from the graphic designers to use the graphics on these cards, so I know for sure that dispersing them is legal.  Also, I am more than happy to take requests, so if you have an idea for a card or file you would like to use in your classroom or home, please DO contact me via my etsy shop!

Do you know what Power Cards are? Don't worry, before last November, I didn't either. Power Cards are often used with Autistic children, but I believe they can be helpful for all children. Power Cards are highly visual and they contain short blurbs or lists of information that will help a child in various situations that he may come across. We use homemade Power Cards with Little Bean. Do I know everything there is to know about them? No, probably not. But what I do know I used to put together some cards that have been pretty helpful for Little Bean.

I used a program like MS Word to make his Power Cards. Then I used a laminator to make them sturdy. They are roughly pocket sized, good for small hands. I hole punched them and put them on a binder ring.

We use them in many ways. Sometimes Little Bean will review a particular card before an interaction with somone. He may review the anger-related ones before a difficult task, or when he is angry, he may review the ones on how to calm down. Power Cards are like mini-offices for social struggles. They are easy to make and are great for some children with Autism. Try them, you might like them!

A blessing in my day...

Just before our move, I was contacted by a gentleman named Rich Davis (check out his drawing blog here). He had seen my entry for a giveaway of his game, Pick and Draw, and he wanted to bless our family with the game--for free!

You see, Pick and Draw is a fun card game for all children, which introduces them to creativity and the gift of drawing and art (more on the game later). But Pick and Draw is especially appropriate for children on the Autism Spectrum, and in fact has been used by some therapists when working with their Autistic patients. When Mr. Davis saw my entry, which stated that I'd like to try the game with my Autistic son, he felt led to bless us with a copy of the game, no strings attached.

I was so touched by this gesture, and in return I wanted to write about his product on my blog.

So here's the run down:

Pick and Draw is a non-competitive drawing game that teaches you how to draw cute, cartoon faces. The deck contains several cards in 5 different colors, each color representing one element of the face (head, eyes, nose, mouth, and hair). You lay out the cards by color and take turns choosing a card and drawing the basic shape on your paper. After everyone has gone through all five facial features, you can color your drawings and compare. Mr. Davis encourages players to name their character and explain what their character likes to do.

We have played this game many times over the last month since we have had it. I like it because it's fun for everyone and there is no losing or winning, which means there is no fighting or hurt feelings either. My kids like it because they can be creative and there are no wrong or right answers. It's a very low pressure game.

Why it's good for my Autistic son:

Well there are tons of reasons, so let's look at some of them.

First, as I mentioned above, it's non-competitive. There is nothing wrong with competition, but when your goal is to engage the child, which isn't always easy with a child on the spectrum, competition usually is a hindrance rather than an incentive to play.

Next, it's very visual and it's very concrete. Autistic children are often very visual people. They think concretely. Pick and Draw is a game that is "see and do". It is fun, but it is also very simplistic (though you can make it more involved by expanding on your drawing, as my husband is wont to do).

Also, Pick and Draw helps children share enjoyment with one another. My son's favorite part (surprisingly) is naming his character and telling what he likes to do. Last night when we played, Little Bean followed Miss O around the kitchen asking her, "What's your character's name, and what does he like to do?" He wouldn't let up until she told him! This is a huge difference from 5 months ago when the therapist asked us if he ever showed interest in others or asked questions about others. I can attest that this game has a built-in element of getting all players involved in conversing with one another and showing interest in one another.

There are other reasons it's good for children on the spectrum: it encouages creativity and requires fine-motor work, it is highly structured, giving the child a comfortable environment for interaction, and it teaches the child that it's okay to be flexible and still follow the rules (after all you can draw a face in many different ways).

I definitely recommend this game for children with Autism, but truly it's a game for anyone to enjoy; not to mention, it's one of the few children's games we have that as an adult I can still enjoy playing time after time with the kids! ;)

You can check out more about Pick and Draw here.

A video about my son--Autism

My long time readers know that Little Bean, my 5 year old, was diagnosed with Autism this past November. As his mom, I know him so well, and I can definitely see that the diagnosis fits him. But this has not been the case with many of our friends and family. Many are under-educated about Autism, or refuse to educate themselves about it. Many feel that admitting that he is Autistic is a bad thing, or somehow takes away from all the great things that he is. Some just want to ignore it. And of those relatives who we live near now that we are in Oklahoma, many of them don't even know about his diagnosis, but they definitely know something isn't "normal" because they are making comments and asking questions about his "quirkiness". So, I made this video. I plan to put it on CD and just send it to those who need to know more, as a way to help them understand Little Bean a bit better, and as a way to quickly educate them about what Autism entails for Little Bean. And by the way, Little Bean has Juvenile Xanthogranuloma as well, but that is the subject for another post, and has nothing to do with Autism.

I am linking to this post over at Confessions of a Non-Domestic Housewife. You can find more posts about Autism on her blog througout the rest of March and April (April is Autism Awareness Month).

Little Smarty

Little Bean at 13 months. Pretty much all he did was look at books and pretend to read the words.

One comment that we have always gotten about Little Bean is that he is SO smart. Even as a little seven month old baby my mom would read to him and he would sit and listen for hours at a time (totally not kidding. My mom used to babysit him while I worked, and I looked at her funny when she informed me of this). He memorized books before he was two. He could read simple stuff at 3. He is reading around a 4th or 5th grade level at 5. I'm not bragging, this kid really is smart! ;)

Continuing with Little Bean's testing related to the Autism diagnosis, he was given the WPPSI-III, namely, an IQ test. There is no question that an IQ test doesn't provide one with a picture of the total person and his or her limitations or full abilities. So many things can affect an IQ test on any given day. But it is often a great tool to use for teachers to know how their student learns. As a homeschooling family, we went into Little Bean's IQ test with this mindset.

Little Bean did very well in both verbal and non-verbal tasks, and was average on processing speed:

For verbal tasks, Little Bean's IQ was 129, and exceed the scores of 97% of his peers.

For Performance-based tasks (non-verbal), Little Bean's IQ was 127 and exceed the scores of 96% of his peers.

For Processing Speed, Little Bean scored 102 and exceed the scores of 55% of his peers.

His Full Scale IQ was 127. Most "normal" people fall between 90 and 110.

Going in, I knew next to nothing about IQ scores, so here is a little chart that explains what the ranges are for scoring in case you're anything like me (btw, really poor wording choice on this chart, please know this is not my wording, I just copied this chart from the internet)!

Classification IQ Limits

Very Superior 128
Superior 120-127

Bright Normal 111-119
Average 91-110

Dull Normal 80-90

Borderline 66-79
Defective 65 and below

Since Little Bean did about equally well on both verbal and non-verbal tasks, this test didn't tell us much other than that he can learn equally well from both verbal and written instructions, and that indeed, he IS really smart.

I look at his intelligence as a wonderful blessing in light of his diagnosis of ASD (autism). It's something that will carry him through, help him learn coping skills and social skills via his brain and his intelligence rather than naturally the way "normal" people learn. Where he lacks intuition, he can make up for it with brain power and excellent memory skills.

To close, I just wanted to add that this post has been in my drafts for a while; I didn't want to offend anyone or make anyone feel bad because "I have a kid who is so smart", so I have hesitated with posting it. I know many (most, maybe?) children with autism have speech delays which would affect IQ scores, and I know not everyone has such a verbal child. Little Bean has his strengths and weaknesses. Most of the time, professionals focus on his deficits--social problems, behavior problems, anger problems, sensory problems--this post is about celebrating his strengths for once. I hope it's alright to brag on my kids once in a while, and I sincerely hope it is taken as just that, and not as saying anything about anyone else's kid.

Talking about it...

I met a friend for coffee today. We met to talk about Little Bean's diagnosis. I sought her out because I knew she would know what we are going through, and hopefully could lend me some support.

She has a daughter, who is right about Miss O's age who is also diagnosed with Autism. She's known about the diagnosis for a while, and she was just so....together. Her daughter is in a special ed preschool, and getting speech and occupational therapy and she is seeing lots of progress, and she was just so positive about it all. I love that about her. How accepting of the diagnosis she was, and how she is in the place where she can discuss her daughter's challenges in an intelligent manner, and just kind of take a step back from it all emotionally.

Me...I'm not there yet. I really can't open my mouth to talk about his diagnosis and treatments without tearing up. And while I do accept the diagnosis, I don't think I've let myself think about the future, whether that's a good future for him, or a meager one. I'm at the "drudging through evals and therapies" stage, not at the "Yes, he is autistic, but he'll be just fine" stage.

My friend had barely sat down in Starbucks, and already I was crying. I can't talk about his issues without getting emotional. I can't step back and look at things purely from an intellectual standpoint right now. I'd like to get to the place where I'm not bursting into random tears wherever I go. I'd like to feel less stressed out and more at peace. I'd like to imagine Little Bean's life in 5 years and know that I don't have to worry about whether he'll have friends or whether he'll be able to express his anger without tantruming.

I loved seeing my friend because she is already at that place (or at least appeared that way to me!). It made me stop and think about the fact that I won't always be where I am now, and neither will Little Bean. It was a good day.

Miss O

Not much has been said about Miss O lately, since our life has changed gears and has been more focused on helping Little Bean. Sometimes I feel like Miss O got the short end of the stick when it comes to dealing with Little Bean's daily struggles because of his Autism. She is one of those people who is so giving and generous and who loves to make people happy, and of course, having a brother who finds it impossible to understand how someone else may feel about something makes it a very one-sided friendship.

They love to play together, but the truth is, Miss O is the giver in the relationship, and Little Bean is the taker. Since now we know that that is more developmental than just selfishness on his part, we can better address the situation and hopefully help the situation some. But I do feel bad for Miss O, and wish I could make things better for her too.

Recently she has gotten tired of some of the things he does, and he has started getting on her nerves. She got a book for Christmas called My Friend With Autism. It's a coloring book/story book and it explains Little Bean basically to a T. It's also framed very positively and includes steps that she can take to both be a better friend AND have her needs met as well. She has already finished coloring it (she loves to color), and we've read it together a few times. Both she and Little Bean recognized that the boy in the book is a lot like Little Bean. I am hoping I can think of other ways to frame their relationship in a more positive light, and to include her and make her feel special when it seems that he is getting a lot of the attention at this time.

Where We Are At With Therapy

It's been almost 2 months since Little Bean's diagnosis of Autism. It's been closer to 6 months since we began the process of trying to figure out what was going on with him and began seeking a diagnosis. Here's the run down of where we are at now:

Anger Therapy: This was a group therapy class that was meant to teach kids with all kinds of medical and psychological backgrounds skills for coping with anger. Little Bean attended this class once a week and either myself or my dh would go with him. This class was literally painful for me to go to. For some reason, seeing him with all these other kids who, although they clearly had anger problems, could relate so well and befriend eachother, killed me inside. I was a stark difference between how Little Bean played and interacted and the way the other children played and interacted. After the first 3 or 4 classes, I asked my husband to go instead because it was just too hard for me to see how different he was in so many ways. I was always near tears (or in tears most of the time) by the time I left that class.

However, we did learn some valuable information in that class. No, her techniques were nothing new, but I realized that there were things I could do to help prevent the rage cycle from happening, and honestly, his behaviors have lessened since finishing this class. It is on break now, and I don't know if he will be recomended to continue going or not. At this point, I think it's not necessary. This class is covered, with only a small copay by our current insurance.

Social Skills 1:1 Therapy: We were very lucky in that the woman who evaluated him initially for Autism was more than happy to take him on as her patient. We really like her gentle manner, and the fact that Little Bean seemed comfortable with her was a good thing. So we were able to start his 1:1 therapy basically right away. Since this therapist does most of the testing for Autism, she doesn't have a ton of time for regular appointments, which means his appointments will be very sporadic, but at this point it's the best option we have if we utilize our insurance for this. So far, he's practiced using an appropriate tone of voice (he tends to speak just above a whisper, which means no one can hear him!), two-way conversations, greetings and eye contact. We get this therapy through our insurance with only a slightly larger copay than the anger classes.

Social Skills Group Therapy: This is by far the most important of all his therapies because it involves learning targeted social skills in a setting where he must interact with peers. Unfortunately, since this isn't covered by our insurance, it's taken us a lot longer to get things started. We visited the facility probably a month ago to just learn more about the cost involved and what services he would receive. He is scheduled to go in for another assessment this week, during which time they will observe him playing with peers and create goals for him. After that, it shouldn't be long before he can get started with the group. As I said, this group is not covered under our current insurance, and is very costly. We have asked my parents to help pay for his therapy here.

I hate asking people for money, but in this case, I know how important it is that Little Bean have these interventions as soon as possible. We would eventually like to take over the responsibility for all his therapy costs, which is part of the reason why we feel a move to Oklahoma is in our best interest. We feel that if my dh can get a higher paying job in OK, with the cost of living being cheaper there, we can hopefully take some steps to better our situation and eventually pay for his therapy ourselves.

Occupational Therapy: When Little Bean was assessed, it was suggested that he have an occupational therapy evaluation as well. It was found that his fine and gross motor skills are completely on target for his age, so he does not medically warrant occupational therapy. However, they said that he would benefit from continued occupational therapy to address his sensory needs. They found that he is tactile defensive. This shows up in his stiffening or jumping away when touched, his toe-walking, and refusal of hugs. They also found that he is sensory seeking. This shows up in his easily distractable manner, playing or hugging too roughly, in repetitive behaviors like spinning and repetitive speech. And finally they found that he is auditory defensive. This shows up in his covering his ears for sounds like crying, loud noises, etc and in his becoming very upset when he hears any background noise when he is trying to concentrate. His OT is a really nice Christian lady, and she has given us a packet of ideas to begin a sensory diet with him. I am supposed to try out different activities with him throughout the day to address his sensory needs and report what worked and what didn't. Eventually the hope is that with a regular sensory diet, he would become less defensive and more open to and relaxed with sensory stimuli. His OT is about every 3 weeks, and is covered by our insurance with a copay.

So that's the run down for now. Course, it could all change when we move to OK if my dh finds work out there. Depending on the insurance situation, more or less could be covered, and also it is dependent on what services are even available to him out there. So while the payment situation could change, I'm fairly confident the types of therapies will be basically the same for him wherever we go. And hopefully, a move will enable us to take back some of the financial part ourselves.

Help With Rules

Yesterday my husband and I had an appointment with Elijah's Autism therapist to set up a behavior plan. Although we have house rules, we have never set up something explicit, and she suggested making an actual rules chart, and posting it around the house. So I need YOUR help! What rules do you have at home? How do you phrase them (positively, negatively?)? What consequences do you have if a rule is broken? What do you do it a rule is followed (success!)? Do you use pictures along with words? Tell me all about your rules system and how it's implemented! I need your help!

Review AND Giveaway--Kid Companions Chewelry

*Stay tuned for a giveaway of this wonderful product at the end of this post!*

Many children seem to crave oral stimulation and they often meet this need in any way that they can--chewing their shirt sleeves or collar, mouthing toys, or biting their fingers or hands. Little Bean, my five year old, is one such child. After recognizing that his need to chew wasn't just a bad habit, but an actual sensory need, I began the search for something more sanitary for him to chew on.

A little research landed me on the website for Kid Companions, a family-owned company that markets safe, bpa, phthalate, pvc, lead and latex-free chewable jewelry and fidgets for children who chew. Kid Companion chewelry is great for children with Sensory Processing Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorders or related issues. They are also appropriate for any child who has a need to chew.

Each necklace comes with a colorful lanyard made of 100% organic cotton (or choose an un-dyed lanyard), and a built in "break away" chain, making it very safe for your child. The lanyards come in both 18 inch or 20 inch lengths to accommodate the size of your child. For children who prefer it, Kid Companions also sells their fidgets in a clip on variety rather than as a necklace.

Each fidget comes in either or a heart or circle shape and in a variety of colors to suit your child's preferences. Designed for children and teens, these attractive necklaces are very discreet and stylish, and yet very functional at the same time.

Kid Companions also offers labeling. You can list your child's name/contact information on the lanyard, allergy information, or any other important information for a small fee. You can also add cute logos to the lanyard, like a butterfly or a soccer ball. One necklace sells for $17.49 (Canadian dollars).
I contacted Kid Companions and they were gracious enough to send me one of their chewable necklaces for review. Little Bean chose a blue circle, and I chose to get the un-dyed lanyard, since he does tend to chew fabric. The necklace arrived very quickly and had his name fused to the lanyard.

We were very pleased with this product. Little Bean is able to take it on and off by himself, and it has almost completely eliminated his habit of chewing on his hands, toys, and clothing. The times that I have seen him chewing on other things, I am able to easily redirect him to the necklace. We couldn't be more satisfied with this product. It makes me feel good to know that the Kid Companion chewelry is completely non-toxic and safe for him to chew on. A bonus is that his necklace is stylish and discreet, so he can wear it in public and not draw attention to himself. Often, he slips it into his shirt and only takes it out when in use, but it does look like just a piece of jewelry, so this isn't necessary. I highly recommend this product and most likely will be buying more in the future.

Now for the exciting part! Kid Companions has agreed to a giveaway of one of their great products! YOU get to choose the color and style yourself--either a necklace or clip-on fidget, and your desired color and shape!

Here's how to enter:

1) Mandatory entry: Visit the Kid Companion website and decide which color and style you would choose if you were to win this giveaway. Come back and leave a comment telling what features you would choose. Be sure to leave your contact information (email) in your comment.

2) For a second optional entry, blog about this giveaway, directing your readers back to this post. Come back and leave the direct url to your post about this giveaway. If you do not blog, but want a second entry, post about this giveaway on a message board that you frequent, directing them to this post. Then come back and leave a comment with the direct link to the post you have made about my giveaway. If you do not know how to do this, contact me and I will help you! Be sure to leave your contact information in this entry as well.

This giveaway will run from December 8th, 2010 to December 15th, 2010. Up to 2 entries per person. I will close the comments on the night of the 15th and choose a random winner the following day. I will contact you if you won the giveaway and then send your order and address information directly to Kid Companions who will ship directly to you. I will also post on my blog about the winner. If you fail to leave contact information in your comment, I will choose a different winner. If you fail to respond to me within 3 days of my contacting you, I will choose a different winner. If you do not leave a direct link (link to your exact post) for your second entry to either your blog post or message board post, I will not include that entry in the giveaway.

Good luck!

Disclaimer: I received this product free of charge in exchange for my honest review. No other compensation was given and all opinions are mine.