Monday, January 3, 2011

Rules

Thank you to those who commented on my recent post asking about posting house rules. Here's what I came up with, by gleaning ideas from various sources:

1. Never raise a hand to hurt another person.

2. Never raise a foot to kick another person.

3. Never raise an object to throw at another person.

4. Never raise a voice to yell at another person.

5. Always ask before touching another person's things. Never touch without permission.

6. Always use kind words, even if you are angry.

7. Always knock before entering. Never enter without permission.

8. Always listen and respond to other when they speak to you. Never ignore other people.

Regarding numbers 1 to 3, we have problems with all these, so I felt the need to explicitly state what is not allowed. Rather than just "Be kind", I felt Little Bean especially needed a rule for each type of aggression.

Number 4 is a good reminder for all of us. It's hard not to raise your voice when you are upset, but yelling only escalates ones' anger.

Miss O in particular has problems touching my things without asking (kitchen drawers, bathroom drawers, etc) and pulling out stuff that isn't hers to play with. This is where number 5 comes in.

Number 6 is a great reminder for all of us.

Number 7 is a constant issue between the kids. They like to barge in on each other and then refuse to leave each other's rooms, often causing fights.

And number 8 is mainly Little Bean. Sometimes I think that if he doesn't like what someone is saying, he pretends not to hear them. Of course that infuriates us all.

We've had the rules posted in 5 locations throughout the house for about a week (by the door, in the hall, by the bathroom, near their bedroom and on the fridge). So far it hasn't made a wink of difference in how they behave. I do refer back to it when they misbehave, and it is good for that. However, I am not seeing much purpose in the posted rules beyond that. Now I'm racking my brain for a better way.

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5 comments:

Amanda said...

Jennifer, my boys (4 and 2) have recently been in each others faces and picking on each other every chance they get. I just started a 'WOW' jar for each of them. When I see that they have accomplished something new or they do something nice for me or someone else, I write it on a piece of paper and put it in their jar. At the end of the week we read through all their accomplishments and good deeds. They sometimes forget (and so do I) about the jar, but when they remember, they start doing more helpful things to fill their jars. I just wanted to focus more on the positive - everything was getting so negative here. Hope it helps you. God Bless.

Annette W. said...

Oh, I know.

We are currently struggling (same as the past 2 years). E is now big enough to put up a solid fight, often knocking Meghan down...pushing her down...all things that SHE has taught him

My only thought is if it is a rule, what happens when a rule is not followed? We also need desperate help with this.

Eva said...

I was reading a great post on Teacher Tom blog how the kids made up all the daycare rules, it was pretty cool, and kind of humourous the things they came up with on their own.. But because they were involved in the decision making they were more keen on following the rules.

http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/you-and-your-friends-agreed.html

The Mom I Want To Be said...

I've noticed with my kids that we are all happier when I focus on the positive. Rules are important, but I feel like I'm constantly nagging them when I just draw their attention back to the rules. We have been rewarding good behavior with gems and jewels for several months and it hasn't lost its charm! Here's an explanation: http://givinguponacleanhouse.blogspot.com/2010/11/good-behavior-for-gems-jewels.html

L2L said...

in our home 9, 6, & 3 it seems to help when consequences are also listed. If you do this, then this will happen, this goes for both positive and negative consequences. I've always tried to stress taking responsibility for one's own actions. Saying, she made me do.... doesn't fly in our house and is always responded to with a, You chose to..... which means you also chose to.....(depending on the consequence.) We often tell our children we expect a certain type of behavior but rarely do we hold them accountable to that standard. Meaning we are always reminding them of how they need to behave or going into long winded explanations of why they should or shouldn't do something. As a friend once pointed out to me, if you tell them to behave a certain way then make sure they know what will happen if they don't then deal out the consequences quickly and without fanfare. Once they catch on to the quick response things seem to go much better, it just takes follow through on the parents part, meaning myself lol, before they will actually benefit from being held responsible for their actions. AND, I do think your rules are great, very specific and to the point, remember sometimes you just have to repeat until they finally get it, lol!!! Stick with it and you will be glad you did!!!! From a mommy who has been there and doing that!!!!

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