Talking about it...

I met a friend for coffee today. We met to talk about Little Bean's diagnosis. I sought her out because I knew she would know what we are going through, and hopefully could lend me some support.

She has a daughter, who is right about Miss O's age who is also diagnosed with Autism. She's known about the diagnosis for a while, and she was just so....together. Her daughter is in a special ed preschool, and getting speech and occupational therapy and she is seeing lots of progress, and she was just so positive about it all. I love that about her. How accepting of the diagnosis she was, and how she is in the place where she can discuss her daughter's challenges in an intelligent manner, and just kind of take a step back from it all emotionally.

Me...I'm not there yet. I really can't open my mouth to talk about his diagnosis and treatments without tearing up. And while I do accept the diagnosis, I don't think I've let myself think about the future, whether that's a good future for him, or a meager one. I'm at the "drudging through evals and therapies" stage, not at the "Yes, he is autistic, but he'll be just fine" stage.

My friend had barely sat down in Starbucks, and already I was crying. I can't talk about his issues without getting emotional. I can't step back and look at things purely from an intellectual standpoint right now. I'd like to get to the place where I'm not bursting into random tears wherever I go. I'd like to feel less stressed out and more at peace. I'd like to imagine Little Bean's life in 5 years and know that I don't have to worry about whether he'll have friends or whether he'll be able to express his anger without tantruming.

I loved seeing my friend because she is already at that place (or at least appeared that way to me!). It made me stop and think about the fact that I won't always be where I am now, and neither will Little Bean. It was a good day.